apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
