he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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