I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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