I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
