i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
