so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
