dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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