Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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