Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
