i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We had to coat check the pizza.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
