Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
