Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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