Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
