How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
