so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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