I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
