and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize