you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
