Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
