the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Operation Purity has been aborted
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
