This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize