Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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