oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
