i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
