I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
