He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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