We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
