My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
