Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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