dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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