when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
