i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
