a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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