Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
