Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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