in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My Higher Power is John Stamos
we're making bets on your personal life
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
