Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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