i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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