Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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