Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
