i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
