She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
