i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
