Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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