If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
