fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
