I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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