Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
