do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
