thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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