She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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