Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
