R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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