I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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