There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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