Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
