you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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