Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
