i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
